How Much Sex Is Enough?

How Much Sex Is Enough?
sex

What is norm for this?

We’d like to talk about an issue many of you ask yourself but rarely say out loud. How much sex is enough?

What is norm for this? So lots of persons worry that they aren’t having enough sex – or that they are having too much of it. Take two persons getting it on with the same frequency – twice a week. One may be absolutely upset because he wants she was doing the romp daily. The other may be resenting the pressure from her sexual partner and wish she could scale it back to once a month. The truth is we all are so different. So what is norm?

If to believe Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year old people have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year old persons an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year. 13% of married couples make love a few times per year, 45% a few times per month, 34% a few times per week, and 7% four or more times per week. What happens when you aren’t having enough sex?

Almost half of married couples have intercourse a few times per month. Isn’t that surprising for you? But it surprises us. When you think back to a time when you had sexual desire in the true, Austin Powers sense of the word – how frequently were you having sex? What happens to couples? We know, we know – children, work, fatigue, disease, marital challenges – they all threaten to rob our desire.

There was a client named Sophie who had a child, and afterwards she said she honestly didn’t care if she never had sex again. Lots of confounding reasons played a role – she was lactating, she had postpartum depression, and the medicine she took for her postpartum depression didn’t help her libido. But 7 years later, things haven’t changed a lot. The children got older and sleeping through the night, the postpartum depression has gone, and she didn’t take any medicine anymore. But Sophie is still picking up the marital pieces of abstinent years.

Another patient named Monica married her high school boyfriend and had been married 20 years. At first, things were great, but as the years passed by, their sexual desire dropped off until they were only having intercourse a few times per year. Monica tried to temp her husband, while her sexual needs demanded more sex than she was getting, but to no avail. As the result, her self-esteem dropped and her sexual desire has gone. She asked if he was homosexual, but he denied it, saying that he was attracted to girls – just not her. Oops. Monica came with a question is she was normal while she wanted to have daily sex. She worried that perhaps she was sexually addicted or something was wrong with her for wanting to enjoy more pleasure with her husband. Four years later, that couple got divorced. Not a big surprise for us.

So how much sex is enough?

If to take into consideration Monica’s and Sophie’s experience, it’s quite predictable to be curious about sexual frequency. How much sex is enough sex? So there was a poll asking people in relationships to answer those 3 questions:
1) How much sex would make you totally satisfied?
2) How much sex would make you feel content and pleased?
3) What’s the bare minimum of sex you would need to feel okay, if you knew it wouldn’t last forever (for example, your partner is ill)?

The Answers

The answers to that poll were quite consistent. That study selection was limited mostly to married couples with kids and more men than women were asked. Here they are:
1) Totally satisfied – 3-5 times per week
2) Content- once a week
3) Bare minimum- once a month

There was a questionnaire among people on Twitter how much sex was enough, and here is what they have said. A licensed psychologist named Dr. Jeanette, said when you had enough sex you knew it. Just like an orgasm, there was no doubt. She supposes that you are having enough sex when you are content and satisfied, and your desire is pleased. Divine sex is the only sex that touches the entire body. @PheasantPhun told money and sex were similar things. When you have some, you cannot get all you want. If you don’t have any, you cannot get any. Another similarity between sex and money, you only need enough to get by on, and sometimes you need far more than others.

@ThingsMomsLike said, it seemed like it ebbed and flew through the years and if nobody was dissatisfied, it was very good. We check in. In case it’s been a while, we talk about it, and usually it’s a mutual sense of just being too fatigue. @stephanieelliot shared, ‘How much do we get it on? Way more now that husband is home and walking around nude!’ @amandabeez confessed she can never have enough.

What do you guys think? We cannot compare everybody else’s answers to our own sex life (you are perhaps thinking right now that it’s impossible not to compare ourselves to other people, right?) We probably get down about once or twice a week (twice is a good week – once is perhaps more average). We are pretty sure there is a chance to have more sex. So what gets in the way? Energy, time, no desire the burden of any more expectation in our lives. But we are satisfied. Is satisfied good enough? Not sure. Could it be better? We think so. Could we grow in desire as we explore our sexuality? Hope so.

What we think

We think when it comes right down to it – here is what we think about sexual frequency. In case you and your sexual partner are both satisfied, it’s enough. If one of you is unpleased, it bears exploration, while those seeds of discontent bring loss of desire and relationship discord. You can talk to your sexual partner about it. We know sex is difficult to discuss, but can you touch base at times and check in? In case you and your partner disagree about sexual frequency, can you find compromises?

Often we make assumptions about our sexual partners that aren’t really true. Probably you wish you could have sex twice a week, but your sexual partner only wants it every other week. Perhaps you think your sexual partner just isn’t that sexual, when in fact, your partner just doesn’t always want to put in the hour-long affair with foreplay. What if you could just have a fast sex every now and then – just to tie you over? Would you be able to sacrifice quality for quantity? Or is it all about quality and quantity, ha?

What do you think?

How much sex is enough sex for you? Are you willing to speak to your sexual partner about your wants and needs? If you are not putting out, why not? What keeps you from Owning Sexuality in a kicking, rocking sexy way? What can you do to improve your own sexuality? It’s all part of Owning Pink, and we are in the same boat here. Let’s talk.


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